Hi WhiteZeo!
How have you been? Before I get started I want to apologize for falling behind on the feedback. I am falling behind just about everywhere, in my classes and in places I should be leaving feedback. I feel so bad about it. So I am trying to get caught up today. Hopefully I am successful! So . . . yeah . . .
This is the feedback for both five and six.
Okay. I enjoyed that entire dream sequence. I dont know the reason why I am so into your dream sequences, but I really like them. This one was a nice window into Merricks frame of mind. Yeah, we did have some kind of an idea about how he is right now. I really liked this particular part of the dream. I think it was the way Merrick knew exactly what Opalines stare said. It was definitely a look that spoke volumes.
This was just getting quoted because it made Merrick look so vulnerable. I dont know about others, but I seemed to forget how old Merrick really is. I always forgot that he is only around eight years old. That is so young to have lost both of your parents. We need Merrick to see how many people still love him and care for him. He needs to see that he isnt truly alone.
I think I like Shia. He is a good horse. I can tell that already. I think I am in a horse kind of a mood or something. Shia has a lot of personality, and I really like it. I think that Shia being insulted by the question our mysterious stranger asked him was cute. Or maybe it was that this stallion (Is Shia a stallion?) has been named Shias human companion is still unnamed.
I liked this! I think it was the I cant believe I just said that part of the passage. At the same time I was also thinking, Hey! There is nothing wrong with listening to what Vanault says. At least there isnt anything wrong with it, if he isnt psychotic at the time. I could really see Animus saying that, and then shaking his head lightly in disbelief with a small smile on his face as he thought about how odd it all is.
See! I told you I was in a horse mood. Hmm . . . Could it be because I am watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimaron? I think so. It isnt really my fault though! Matt Damon is the narrator! Matt Damon! I could listen to him talk for hours on end. If only I had the money, I would buy the version of The Peoples History of the United States that he narrates. Matt Damon can talk me to sleep every night. Heehee! But yeah! Fauna! I love that mare! She is looking out for Animus. She is such sweetie!
Good going Animus! I am so glad that he is able to choose the better of two. He could sit and be depressed beside Opaline, or he could go off and save Opalines son, who is lost and alone in the cold snow. Now, I just wonder how he is going to find Merrick. Will he discover Shias tracks and track the horse when Merricks trail disappears?
But again, those parts were great WhiteZeo! I wonder, how the townspeople are going to handle Opalines death. I got the impression that she was not only beloved by those of the ruling classes and soldiers but also the peasant class. It seems that all of Animaria will be in morning for her. I think there needs to be something that will make things a little less depressing. A nice ray of sunlight to kind of make things less depressing would be nice.
So . . . Who is the focus of the next part?
~Sugarplum
How have you been? Before I get started I want to apologize for falling behind on the feedback. I am falling behind just about everywhere, in my classes and in places I should be leaving feedback. I feel so bad about it. So I am trying to get caught up today. Hopefully I am successful! So . . . yeah . . .
Quote:
WhiteZeo originally wrote:
Opaline's dark brown eyes seemed to pierce Merrick's soul even from far away as she stared at him, her head resting on Ephane's shoulder as she seemingly clung to her first love. No, the stare said, you can't come. We have to leave you.
Okay. I enjoyed that entire dream sequence. I dont know the reason why I am so into your dream sequences, but I really like them. This one was a nice window into Merricks frame of mind. Yeah, we did have some kind of an idea about how he is right now. I really liked this particular part of the dream. I think it was the way Merrick knew exactly what Opalines stare said. It was definitely a look that spoke volumes.
Quote:
WhiteZeo originally wrote:
Papa
Momma
I don't want to be alone.
This was just getting quoted because it made Merrick look so vulnerable. I dont know about others, but I seemed to forget how old Merrick really is. I always forgot that he is only around eight years old. That is so young to have lost both of your parents. We need Merrick to see how many people still love him and care for him. He needs to see that he isnt truly alone.
Quote:
WhiteZeo originally wrote:
"What do you think, Shia? Should we leave him here or take him home?"
Shia shook his head, his mane thrashing lightly. He glared at his rider as if he had been insulted by the question, neighed, and then huffed twice.
I think I like Shia. He is a good horse. I can tell that already. I think I am in a horse kind of a mood or something. Shia has a lot of personality, and I really like it. I think that Shia being insulted by the question our mysterious stranger asked him was cute. Or maybe it was that this stallion (Is Shia a stallion?) has been named Shias human companion is still unnamed.
Quote:
WhiteZeo originally wrote:
"I should've listened to Vanault."
Animus furrowed his eyebrows and actually thought about what had just spilled from his lips. "I can't believe I just said that."
I liked this! I think it was the I cant believe I just said that part of the passage. At the same time I was also thinking, Hey! There is nothing wrong with listening to what Vanault says. At least there isnt anything wrong with it, if he isnt psychotic at the time. I could really see Animus saying that, and then shaking his head lightly in disbelief with a small smile on his face as he thought about how odd it all is.
Quote:
WhiteZeo originally wrote:
A soft whinny broke the silence of the forest and the soldier turned around to see Fauna just a few steps behind him, snuffing at him. Confused, he glanced down at himself to see exactly what Fauna was trying to point out.
See! I told you I was in a horse mood. Hmm . . . Could it be because I am watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimaron? I think so. It isnt really my fault though! Matt Damon is the narrator! Matt Damon! I could listen to him talk for hours on end. If only I had the money, I would buy the version of The Peoples History of the United States that he narrates. Matt Damon can talk me to sleep every night. Heehee! But yeah! Fauna! I love that mare! She is looking out for Animus. She is such sweetie!
Quote:
WhiteZeo originally wrote:
With a quick, light nudge of his heels into Fauna's sides, Animus pushed her forward, making a clean break away from the corpse of his beloved, in hopes that he would not have to mourn another Baliton's passing in Merrick.
Good going Animus! I am so glad that he is able to choose the better of two. He could sit and be depressed beside Opaline, or he could go off and save Opalines son, who is lost and alone in the cold snow. Now, I just wonder how he is going to find Merrick. Will he discover Shias tracks and track the horse when Merricks trail disappears?
But again, those parts were great WhiteZeo! I wonder, how the townspeople are going to handle Opalines death. I got the impression that she was not only beloved by those of the ruling classes and soldiers but also the peasant class. It seems that all of Animaria will be in morning for her. I think there needs to be something that will make things a little less depressing. A nice ray of sunlight to kind of make things less depressing would be nice.
So . . . Who is the focus of the next part?
~Sugarplum
"The reason it hurts so much to separate
is because our souls are connected . . .
And I know I have spent every life before this one
searching for you.
For your soul and mine must always come together."
~ Noah Calhoun, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks ~

May you find some comfort here
Outer Haven
is because our souls are connected . . .
And I know I have spent every life before this one
searching for you.
For your soul and mine must always come together."
~ Noah Calhoun, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks ~

May you find some comfort here
Outer Haven
